I Know I Am To Forgive, But Why Should I?

by Tereciah on February 21, 2013

I Know I Am To Forgive, But Why Should I?

By: Tereciah V. Smithen-Quintana


Forgiving someone for a hurt or action committed against you is said than done.  It’s easy to look and judge another’s life say they should do this or do that but when it comes to our own personal lives, for some reason, we put blinders on our eyes and our hearts become hard as rocks.

There was a time in my life that I had to forgive those who had knowingly and unknowingly hurt me.  It was easier to forgive for some than for others and it was a process that God had to take and guide me through.

One evening after an argument with my husband I stormed into our living room with vengeance on my mind and retaliation in my heart.  Yes, I was a Believer in the Body of Christ, but I truly, and I mean truly, wasn’t trying to hear anything that had to do with Christ at that moment.  I was a-n-g-r-y!

As I barreled my way into our living room quarters I distinctly heard a voice say, “forgive him.”   I knew it was the Holy Spirit and I quickly responded, “You want me to forgive him?!  I didn’t do anything, he did!”   “Forgive him,” the voice said again.

I proceeded to have an argument with the Holy Spirit about forgiving my husband on my couch!  I was literally yelling that I was tired of being the forgiving one, the ‘good Christian’ one, the one that strove to do “your will God when everybody else just did what they wanted!”  My last retort was “I am NOT forgiving again. I am TIRED of always forgiving.  Not this time God, I’m not doing it!” How dare God tell me to forgive when He should have been having a conversation with my husband about his apology to me?!!!  Did I tell you I was livid?

Then God showed me a picture in my mind of humanity from the beginning of time and all the times humanity had sinned and asked for forgiveness. He showed me how He forgives us, yet time and time again, we go back into sin and disobedience. Then we come back to Him yet again seeking forgiveness.

Then for me to better understand I saw in my mind the Israelite’s.  Although they were stiff-necked and hard-hearted, God would forgive them when they were sincere and seeked His face.
He wanted me to understand this principle: Just as He never gets tired of us coming to Him with a sincere heart and asking for forgiveness, I too, needed to demonstrate that same behavior.

Sometimes we have to do the right thing when doing the right thing hurts!  And sometimes we have to be the first to do it even when you’re the one that has been hurt. 


woman with horizon

Sometimes you don’t think its fair and every one step you take doing what’s right, you want to take two steps back to what you know in the spirit to be wrong but feels oh so right in the flesh!
Women tend to be more emotional than men and hence our feelings get all wrapped up in our decisions.

Some of you have allowed past hurt to influence your future. If you’re a woman of God called for a purpose and knows she has greatness within her, then allowing unforgiveness in your heart is actually you giving the enemy the right, the legal permission to run havoc over your relationships, emotions, and your destiny.  You must remember than “your purpose is greater than your hurt.”

If I had not forgiven my husband that night, I would have kept that hurt along with many others and it would have festered into a black hole of anger and resentment.  Which would have placed a dark cloud over our marriage bringing with it even more anger, bitterness, and even more hurt.

How do you know you’ve forgiven someone for a past hurt?  When you have absolutely no more emotion about the action (hurt). 

It doesn’t mean that you have forgotten the incident. It just means that the hurt that went along with the incident is no longer there.  The emotions that came from that hurt are no longer there. 


·        If you have to tell yourself that you’ve forgiven the person every time you see them or you are around them…
·        If you go out of your way to not be around them…
·        If when you happen to meet them by chance your greeting is a fake as a Christmas tree in the summer…
·        If decisions you’ve made in your life, now and in the past, has had serious consequences in your life…
·        If you keep bringing the incident(s) back up in a negative manner…
·        If the way you see yourself is negative and unloving…
·        If you take your hurt out on others or participates in destructive behaviors…
·        If whatever the hurt was has kept you from living a full, secure, happy and love filled life…

…then you are still experiencing unforgiveness.

Yes, we don’t know what that person did, or said, or committed against you.  Yes, it was degrading, hurtful, shameful, and spiteful.  Yes, it hurts to think about it, as a matter of fact, you may not even want to think about it.  But if you do, you are broken.  Yes, it was not fair.  Yes, yes, yes, and more yes.

But guess what?  Forgiveness is not for them it is for YOU!  How so?  It releases you to live the life the way God intended for you to live.  It’s like a heavy weight being lifted from off your heart, mind and life.  It is you getting your life back and enjoying it.

Jesus said if we do not forgive others of their trespass against us, He cannot forgive us our trespasses against Him.  

This is very important because we all fall short in our walk in Christ.  Let’s put an end to unforgiveness in our lives today.

writing pad

1.     Before you get started on the hard stuff I want you to read scripture that talks about forgiveness to saturate your heart and your mind to waylay thoughts the enemy will try to use to keep you bound.
2.     Ask yourself “Who am I holding resentment, anger, hurt or emotional pain against in my life and why?

3.     Get a notebook, a pad or pieces of paper that will only be for your eyes. Draw a line down the middle of the page and I want you to write out every hurt you have experienced on one side and by who on the other side and be very specific.

4.     For each incident that comes up with that person, forgive them for the incident. Very important; the incident.  We remember hurt based on the incident associated with a person.

Example 1: I forgive Johnny for calling me ugly when we were in second grade standing in front of all the other girls.  It made me feel insecure as I grew older.

The person: Johnny
The Incident: Calling her ugly
The Hurt: Emotional (Embarrassment)
The Result: Making her feel insecure

Example 2: I forgive my (mom, dad, brother, sister, etc.) for not believing me when I told them I did not push that girl at school.  It made me feel like whatever I did was never going to be good enough.

These actions are steps that I learned and I apply to my life regularly to keep unforgiveness from ruling in my life.  If you are finding it hard to forgive someone for an incident then lay it before the Lord.  If you find that you are angry at someone but you can’t remember why, ask God to bring any incident or individual you are angry with back to your remembrance.

I hope that this has helped you in your daily Christian walk learning how to be a woman of forgiveness.  Comment below and tell me what sort of unforgiveness you may at one time experienced and how did you learn to let it go.  Also comment and tell me what you think of this article and tasks I had you to do. I would love to connect with you!

Be Blessed!

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Charlene Stapleton April 1, 2013 at 3:56 pm

Hi Tereciah

It was a pleasure meeting you yesterday and learning about your mission. I selected forgiveness as one of the first topics to read as I have some of those issues to work on. I really appreciated your insights. Keep on inspiring others.



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